It's difficult..:

 Two days of living in a cocoon of love and restrain my impulsive self ... it was tough. Kept myself buried in Divakaruni's book - narrative of Sita of how she endured. So I endured. 

It's difficult

Being woman 

It hurts

In love.

Do you know 

How difficult it is 

To be woman

And preserve sanctity 

Of femininity,

To love yet withold 

Wait patiently 

To be pulled in circle 

Of protective arms 

To taste love 

In slow sips 

From lips 

That lure 

Lute to play 

In pining heart,

Or else forego

The dance of life 

With show of 

Impassivity?

I'll be patient 

with love.

It was a one night stand at Pash's place; watching him conduct himself in roles of son, friend, employer, neighbour, yogi, human being;

 इक हिंदू था

मिला ज़िंदगी के आख़िरी पक्ष की 

सड़कों पर

कुछ इस तरह मिला

श्रद्धा, भक्ति, ख़ुद के किरदार से

हमें बेहतर मुसलमाँ कर गया !

Udasi

 There is pain, there is sadness. Don't know which is more: it doesn't matter. I shall overcome is the song to hum for now. 

आज उदासी है 

अंदर बाहर पसरी खामोशी के दरमियाँ

ख़ाली मन की चित्कार

बड़ी कुशलता से छुप चली है 

अपनी अंदर समेटें रुदन को 

कि बाहर आने की

व्यक्त होने की

अब वजह नहीं 

मनचाहे श्रोता सो चुके है 

ओढ़े नींद की गहरी चादर 

जो बेशक़ीमत है 

और मेरी बात, जज़्बात ओछे, सस्ते 

सो मैं आँचल में ख़्वाब सँभाले

गिन रही हूँ पल

जो तक़दीर ने किए हवाले !

an 

Na jagah na wajah bachi

 When person you ache for is in dilemma infused confusion, all one can do is to put a stop to fuel that fire the flames 

Cyber -

don't ping 

with messages 

that bring 

promise of love

for my heart ails of

petrification

of another rejection

it has accepted 

love isn't her

song to sing!

 What does one do when the one whose shoulder and chest you look to rest you hurting head against, reports being damp and down? 

I decided to endure the scorch of life all alone.

तुम्हारी चुप थी 

तो लबों ने सोचा 

खामोशी का मैं भी 

बंद लगा लूँ,

तुम्हारा गीला जो सोखना है

अकेलेपन की धूप में 

अपने ख़ुद को

ख़ुद ही तपा लूँ ♥️

 Once again leashed back! I'll hold prisoner for rest of my life without clarity in my view - what's wrong and what's right in Your Dominion. Until then I will hide in smog of my words and feelings. Just listen ....

Lips yearn

for sips of you 

please pour

unto my urn 

for me -

spring of life 

springs from you.

Alter Ego!

Male abruptness is too harsh to endure for a feminine heart. Once again, carefree laughter turned into tears. What extreme emotions do I endure and why? Is it love for another or lack of love for self?

Pray tell -

Who is an alter ego?

One that you connect with when

it suits, and

then spurn?

And, if I am so

for you

where does my ego look

for it's shadow

besides in you?

Show -

where and how am I

a part

of all that you choose

to share the happenings

and going-on

in soul and your mind 

unbridled, unconditional

overtaken by sleep

or, whether full wake,

when and how do you turn

to me for peace

as a choice

that you'd rather make

and want to have

for your own sake

full well with knowing

life's a journey

where 'anitya'

defines the way...

and not coz 

I reach

I call much

to randomly connect

for value

that I receive

in love

with your company...?

Just know -

for you tho'

this might at the very best

be a ranting

that's mundane

Sweetheart, 

soul mateship isn't 

a one-way lane!

So, 

here I'm to voice

listen ....

to my heart's call in protest

all that it cares

to say -

it is Sayonara

from my heart

today.

Ye to hona hi tha!

 Don't want to elaborate on the pain that I felt. It was inevitable. 

हर साँस अभी पूछ रही है -

Hurt हो ?

और ख़ुद से ख़ुद को

क्या झुठलाना ?

हाँ हैं।

हैं तब भी, 

जबकि पता भी है

मेरी नियति है यही 

प्यार देना तो सिखलाया तुमने

भरपूर, पर 

लेन देन की परंपरा उल्लेखते 

भूल गये तुम ये तौर 

देने के साथ 

लेन की भी पारी है;

पास पड़ी थी 

मेरे नाम की पर्ची 

पर मेरी नियति 

तुम बिसरा गये! 

Witness

 My bestie is in sulk mode and I am in happy mode... how the twain shall meet? 🤔🫠

The vibrancy in my heart after seeing those snow clad because of mountain peaks and featherlight cloud passing by was so serenely intense and such that it reminded me of legendary Howard Roark who burst into a gut and gall filled laughter atop a hill. I carry this image in my head.

Witness

A beautiful dream it was

hard to wake up from

and open eyes

to chimes of clock....

I was travelling

I was light 

garbed in lightest of bluish white

I was aface a tall peak

all clad

in whitest of snow 

where it was 

I do not know

may be Arctic

may be Himalaya 

serenely witnessing 

coming and go 

of mortals 

on travel and adventure.

I witnessed too -

its beauty 

was sheer delight 

its height

its presence

calm and secure

silent, strong, and sure...

Then lo aho

I saw

apiece of cloud pass by;

it came in afloat 

with ease without breeze

it drifted in view

at leisure

fleetingly

adorning the mountainface 

with heart stopping allure,

the grace that was to witness 

was such a momentous sight 

ever so gently 

in my heart 

a bubble of glee arose 

I received and preserved it 

as seal 

of Almighty's presence 

that so certainly, longingly was asserted 

in all that seemingly 

at present is

so goddarned not right.

In dream I erupted 

in a heartful carefree laugh 

with knowing -

I am safe 

I am home 

at long last.