Today I just want to listen

To you, him or her

For there's nothing of worth

To speak to any

All I had was broth 

Of succulent tales

That ego had woven

To set strong illusion forth

And now that its gone

Pain lingers ....

Yet I want to savour

The remains 

of what once was alone

I, me, mine

Of my existence

Arabian Sea and Me

I needed to share
Today with someone
Who understood
What's common
Between Arabian Sea
And me-
We both hang in motion
Between earth
And ever so deep ocean
As if in this restlessness
We'll find
Our one and only truth.p

Indispensability

World goes on
Whether you choose
To sing or dance
Or to sleep
Say so long....
No one needs
Anyone here
For all that's needed
For universe
Is always there
And moreover
There's more...
In abundance
Life waits with patience
To become manifest
As you take leave
And make
Your final bow
The Royal decree
Reaches to pour
Out of another
Present soul.

चलो ढूंढते हैं साथ मिलके
वोह राह जो गुज़रती है
आवारा बादलों से लिपटती है
और फिर लापरवाह सी ससरती है
सप्तरंगे इन्द्रधनुष से उतरती है
उस क्षितिज के आँगन में
जहाँ सुकून और साथ के सिवा
कुछ भी नही।

Pain -
it's been my companion 
for a while now
so much a part of me
it makes me see
befriend life
listen and smile 
Every day on its terms
with detachment.

शाम के सन्नाटों में

चिड़ियों की चहचहाहट के दरमियाँ

एक आवाज़ सुनी थी 

जो कर्मपथ पे अग्र्सर होने को 

ढकेल रही थी 

एक के प्यार को 

कईयों में 

विसर्जित करने को 

ललकार रही थी 

ठोड़ी पकड़ झूकी पलकों को 

पुचकार रही थी 

यूं कह-

कर्म योधा अब सुन चित से 

इस ध्वनि में तेरे विधाता के 

शंख की ललकार है. 

You are special
for you've brought 
me to brink
of abyss in experience
to seek
that which exists beyond
so listen
go on 
give another push
and I
will be delivered
safe and knowingly 
to Him -
He solely is
object and intent
of this
heart's shopping cart.

Gurus

In the temple
of my being
in this body reside
two gurus -
mind beyond reason
heart in spirit of silence
they seize me
in solitude
kindle a fire
to extinguish dim darkness
thats around
then whisper and point
ever so gently
they draw me
towards You
to experience my whole
...........
Give me strength
To turn in
with steadiness
into my being
with You.

Loneliness -
is a beautiful state
of inner peace
that invites in
the presence
of Holy Divine.

True company
is where silence
finds you -
it holds each unspoken line
preciously close to ear
of listening hearts;
one might be you
and other a soul mate
who's been
divinely defined.

PS: To reassure my sis when she complained of feeling lonely

Apparitions

Such a starved bank of moss
Till, that May morn,
Blue ran the flash across:
Violets were born!

Sky - what a scowl of cloud
Till, near and far,
Ray on ray split the shroud:
Splendid, a star!

World - how it walled about
Life with disgrace 
Till God's own smile came out:
That was thy face!

Robert browning, he always brings the truth to fore

Co-creator

Am I a co-creator? -
I wonder and sense
there's touch of arrogance
in essence of this role...
No with You
I prefer
I'll most certainly do
I'll serve
with penitent servileness,

Deep churning
is what you subject my insides to,
are you being cruel
to punish?
I know I've erred
or -
are you being cruel
to be kind
to extract of me
the nectar
I never could've know
it existed, except
when squeezed through
Your delivering hand

I crawl

I am the spider
That awkwardly crawls
To fall again
In a dangle!

Hold me close

I am stumbling

I am reaching out 

with hands outspread

I seek just

Your attention...

no more.

I cry, I weep

I fumble as the chill seeps

Here behold my heart

I've emptied

It's it all

only for You...

come in

and shut its door.

I am straining

I am listening

I stand on trembling tip toe

to scan the horizon

to welcome footstep

that carries 

sound of You.

i've been a wanderer
of sorts -
in love, work, and home
I've been a seeker of
peace and truth
and now when I look
for place to hang
the tired coat
that hugs my frame to warmth
the eyes have come to rest
where a sign displays
to say:
Not all who wander
are lost,
Yea yay....
I've pulled my sock
back on.

Hail, hear calling
of soul
turn in to plug
into socket of Source
awakening has taken over
awareness is on roll
and as you heal
join flow
of life to connect
with not one, not two
but many like You
who seek their calling
stamped with seal when born
to serve and deliver
as vessel and instrument
sincerely they strive on
to ensure
that will of Divine
is manifest
in abundance its done
Amen.

Csaba said:
Come on
don't be such a chicken
life often does
give another chance
it's alright to be
In love again.

I said:No no
no more my friend
my heart's now well trained
to gather its beat
turn and run
a million miles away
if love ever comes this way
teasing with its
titillating knock again!

I am very alone
right down to deepest
recess of marrow
yet feel content
that I am with me.

He created in love
with His very own
Spirit he blew and breathed
in us
- the power to rise
from human
become Divine
........................
In tamas 
We've dwelled
since we chose to ease
rather than 
endeavour ascension
our finite senses
served to bring down
transform divinity
worship earthly, human forms!

Eat Pray Love

Mantras for life:
Eat love pray
travel
Italy India Bali
breathe behave like Yogi
let go and woo
the four saints 
that are saviours -
Intelligence, strength
Friendship and poetry
they're every person's friend
heart break is the mantle
of the brave alone
they tried
choosing not to stay 
not turn away
when the heart got a knock
It's OK
let it be
it'll heal
you'll recuperate
just swallow vit E
replenish loss with drinks of water
pack bags
travel far and wide 
aound globe go round and round 
without destination
nor keep any desire to arrive
Sleep well
Be silent, be still
meditate, chant and tasbih
speak to take solace
in karma and destiny...


Romance and passion
are ardent forces of life
that open 

gates of heaven
love's to be tasted priorto entering bliss of Eden
The mantra is not to give up 
so prepare 
to be brave once again.

It takes two
- to make
Love, friendship and music
Without each
Life's lonely walk
That I'd rather take
Unless I'm assured
That I'm loved cared for
Nearly as much
If not 
absolutely the most.

I surrendered
And You
Presented me with a burden
Of choice...
Now please listen
Me out - 
I am happy
To be with Thee
To love you alone
And then if You choose
To reincarnate
Give love to me as boon
In human form
Then let it be
The a live like of Karn
In courage, truth, conviction
For nought else
Nothing less
Will suffice
Any more.

I've asked before
Now ask again
Why would Brahman
Reincarnate into human
When 
divinity was what 
He required aspired 
For us -
It makes little sense
For the Guru emits light 
To rid off darkness
And not cast 
Further shadows,
deepen doubt
For man needs to see 
to be divine.

Sahyadri ki pahadian
Patton ki Chilman
Aur unke lams se siharti
Jagmagati bikharti roshni
Ye dhoop
Tumhare ishare se pahunchi
Hai aaj yahan
Mujhe batane
Hawa mein ab bhi 
Tumhare vishwas ki 
Khushboo baqi hai
Mere dil mein
Tumhare dhadkan ki
Kadak baki hai -
Kafi hai ye
Ek zinda zindagi ke liye.

Who are you ?
Challenged my friend 
the fearless one - 
Abhay asked
Are you God fearing
Or a God loving one?

Umm that's easy
Choice - I go on
To retort
yes I love to be 
in His company 24/7
And fire of hell
Or eternal claim on heaven
Couldn't force me to sway
either way
I know for sure.


As creature of present
the sweet silence of being
with Him day in 
and day out
its too intoxicating
so I continue to
Not look beyond
the pleasure of now
I need to draw on this nectar
of His presence
more to survive
than to thrive in
a future promise 
of eternal gains in heaven!

I love Him Abhay
and to be without this link
a round the clock connection 
that makes my day 
pulse meaningfully away
life would be really 
hard to bear by.

I love Him Abhay
much more than hell's fire 
could with fear deter
or love of heaven
could lure me ever 
I am His alone
because the love
I was offered
I'm a drunkenly
God loving one.

Nar se Narayan ne
Bada haas kiya hai
Adrishya ho prakriti mein
Khud ko dhoondhne ka
Woh bhi aashiqui se -
Ka aadesh diya


Phir nirantar Sandesh diya 
yoon ki 
Pramatma to bhi 
parthav preet ki
Kritak ko krit ki
Preet darkar hai.


Par hum
Kahan dhundhen tumhen
Swayam arpan karne ko ?
Samaksh sansaar mein
Jahan ki jagmagahat apni
Chakachaundh se andha karti hai
Ya dil ki galiyon mein
yuun bhi
Jahan andhere virajmaan hain?


To shama jalane
aarti chadhane ko to
tumhare hath 
aur nirantar saath ka israar hai
So ab prakat ho
Prabhu na samaksh sahi
Par arpan ko
Tumhare paas ka 
ahsaas darkar hai

Madlena and I
were in lighthearted stroll
by banks of river Rhine
when she grabbed my hand
and said 
in as loud as a whisper might:'
/hey look 
there's a couple
of madly in love swans 
how lovingly they gaze 
to rest in the other's loving eye
they float serenely on river water
that gently flows and ebbs 
gathering ripples 
into its folds as drizzles
come in of snow 
that's just begun.

I turned to look
follow her
point of finger
And heard her urge
to go on
not delay 
to save image of love in nature
in darkest recess 
of my head.

I listen 
to the passion that soars high
in my friend's caring tone
she says 
she's heard it sung
passed down generations
in local legends and lores
grandmums have assured 
and said -
the one who gets such view
is surely surely blessed 
to find true love 
in this very lifetime
it'll be theirs 
Forever and ever
so my friend
don't delay
I want it so
much for you!

I laughed 
and turned in
to search 
my tender grieving heart
it gave a shrug 
as if to courtesy down and say:
Madlena there isn't 
room herein
I've already had to fit in
many a facets of love
thats talked about
I've been inb love
been sufficiently loved 
much before
I've seen
these lovebirds that sail
with grace bringing
nature's grace to fore
If at all its a sign 
it tells me
my heart 
has had its fill 
of plenty 
of what two share
and it Entices not
for intoxicatingly sweet 
though it is -
it limits it confines
the joy of being.


My love of now 
extends far beyond
in every facet that I witness
I see in its miraculous shine
reflections of Divine
that sometimes touches
twinkle of trust 
in little toddler's hand
or hope that lights
the seeking eye
its held in parent's patients toil
expressions of arts and science
that mind creates
carries indelible mark
that glows in love's radiant spark
and most of all 
I see it apparent
In timeless friendship 
or when unattached hand 
extends beyond blood or social tie
to lift to grace
a fallen soul
and so you see 
I've already witnessed love of many a kind
Madlena dear
at its very best
thats enough for any lifetime
to holds in eternal bind.

From darkness
there leaped 

at me -
demons of loneliness
deception and sadness profound.

I seized upon fear

i'd no choice

but to step near
and valiantly 

look past from past.

Peering through 

my soul's silent ground

I found You 

who stood beyond

with light upheld

I was urged

to accept the Truth.

You've broken
this cage of rib and spine
where I'd placed my heart
To take refuge in.


You made appear
an angel dear
to liberate 
undo the rein
I had worn 
for so long
that now I fear 
I'm exposed ever
more and more 
to barbaric thrusts
of barbs and darts
That cupid 
will hurl 
my vulnerable way.

How do You 
then propose 
I take these 
on myself
chin up with brace and steel?
Or shall 
I duck, demure lie low
Or may be 
melt to mellow
in fluid form -
where it'll 
be easy
to absorb 
pain and pleasure 
will disperse alike
with ease no distress.

Yes that's the truth
Of my self realisation
You are 
You've always been there
Even
When I was not seeing
Not listening
Not speaking to your presence
Not tasting the essence
Of my being 
I was thinking and doing 
for all else but you
...apologies.

Their eyes met
For a moment 
to get glimpse
of another soul -
both were 
a part filled bowl
that clanged 
to cheer and mate
to quench
of the other
with fervour 
they took fill 
Without 
a pause 
to exchange
serve the other
.......
They parted
Departed to go separate
on paths much trod
For prepared tho'
they were 
to receive 
not give -
each chose to suckle 
not succour
to become together 
one complete whole.

The Chinese medicine man
donned a somber face 
to say, Woman -
your pulse is weak
with sluggish heart you live
with serious imbalance 
of yin and yang.

I hear a giggle of hope
it rises in my belly 
that sneaks out
smile of joy,
bashfully I do speak
to convey:
Great going
you're spot on Doc
I've been 
in deep freeze slumber
for long 
too long a time 
no less than two decades in all;
you know what 
I'm glad i'm here
and heartbeat 
is there at least 
for you to revive 
When I've 
only just about
begun to wake out
of at best
laid to rest reverie.

Thank you -
I've put 
the full stop 
in complete peace
as I leafed thru' 
Liz Gilbert's journey
in Eat Pray Love;
how gently in
a magnificent miraculous way
did You let
the penny drop!

In stillness of soul then
I knew 
the how and why 
of my being 
and understood -
I know You now
and You always knew me 
how could ever I
in depths of ignorance?
suffice it then 
to say at last
with a relieving heave
all that matters 
in this Universe
with truth
is this affair 
that's on between
You and me 
in Your wholeness
I seek to 
be complete
.....
Om Purnamada Purnamidam 
Purnat Purnam Udachyate
Purnasya Purnam Adaya
Purnameva vashishyate.

Taqdeeron ne likha
Har Milne wale
Rahi ka naam 
karmon ki kitab mein
Jab panne khule
To paya
har prushtha se jhaank rahi
Thi smriti ateet ki
Mere man ke ateethi
Har ek ne 
prem-mantra padha
Chao shradha se
Bas zindagi ke utaar par
Saath nibhana Bhool Gaye.

Sense and sensibility
Courtesy two eyes 
Two ears
A head to think
A heart that ticks
And a tongue -
It wants now
Speak only of You.

its true
as the guru said:
connections of heart
is freedom enshrined
in the light
thats Divine shine
of You
our All Creating Source -
its great
i've learnt lesson of love
to take bow
and carry the karmic flame
You handed
with enlightening force
with a mission
that states
Unity in diversity
will bring peace
to all.

Jotted on 25.2.13 while reflecting on Swami Vishnudevananda's mission statement.

कितने ही आधे अधूरों
को यूं ही जोड़ दिया तुमने
कि इक खली खिला
बरक़रार है दोनों के दरमियाँ
पूर्ण होने की प्यास बाकी है
और जो ये बतला दिया
कि मोजूद है एक अकेला
इस धरा पे
जिस से रूह का रिश्ता
परमात्मा के समीप होने का
प्रदीप्त साक्षी है,
तो प्रशन सुनो
अधीर बंदगी का -
क्यों नहीं बतला देते
एक ही बार
कि खालिक तुम हो
और ये राबता
तुम्हारी बेजुबान मुहब्बत का अक्स है
कलबे खिल्कत पे
तो दिलों की धड्कन को खनकने दो
भरपूर बेकसक
क्योंकि
तुम्हारी किताब में हर दिलबर का नाम दर्ज
साफ़ अमानत धरा है-
तो दे दो हर एक को वोह परम प्रीत
जिस के रब तुम्ही तो
दाता भी तुम्ही हो.

Jotted on 13.2.13

Pack up traveller

My body feels racked
So is the soul
So far experience of sail
Mostly raging ravaging storms
And me ill equipped
And rose tinted glasses
I wore
To gauge hues of horizon
Made me falter and fall
For times umpteen
There was weakness in heart
forever in love
Groomed in humility
To be unquestioningly let down
With all that was on fore
I was eager
So eager to please
I'd only self to debase
Take it all
With just a pinch of salt...
Now that I know
With reality revealed
I fear no more
I've handed the ores
To One who was there
tugging me with vestiges
of my vessel along
Through the worst of storm
He demonstrated His might
And i humbly witnessed
with heaving sighs
The One who was kind
Unconditional in love
Unseen and supreme
He landed me safe
On this interim shore -
It's now up to me
To rise from disgrace
Fill fuel set fire
And be ready
Be on sail
In directions uncharted
Its my leap of faith
That'll carry asail
My diminutive form
To where I was
Set out to go -
Be it sweet or gore
It just feels right
i am ready
to turn a page in my book
I've to move on

hey i thought
i was stumped out
clean bowl'd
before my innings
had come
to a natural close
........................
and then You
pulled the final string
to make me jump off
from pavilion - apathy
to pitch of applause
true to word
of Your Glory
and wondrous record
of bringing life to dead
cleaving herb out of seed
cultivating and growing
on not only the meadow
but even on stone
and with
miraculous style too!

which love?

in my experience
love in its ardence
is a chameleon
eager to possess
it can poison
change colour
back out with
turn of season
while true friendship
slumbers you warm
blesses, sates and endeavours
to bring
to life - the smell
colours and joy of spring

i want to start
this day
with statement
that tickled heart
at morn today -
thanks for making me
walk beside
with best of soul
of my time....
and then You sustained
kept 'em safe,
kept 'em well
only to make
all appear, surround
just when i needed
to know, feel
Your presence
through them.

i felt the power
of Your miracle wand
it moved with such ease and grace
and healed wound
that'd remained raw
unseen on surface.

the heart had been left
in deep freeze
for long years that merged
into decades
and when to defrost
i took hold
i withdrew
the ice was sharp
stung and bit, it bled
my core

समझो ना

सुन समझ रही थी
पर करने का  सामर्थेय नहीं थी
जूटा पा रही
कर्मपथ दुर्गम और जो उस पर
थी मुश्किल से संभल रही
तो कहाँ घूंट उतरती
स्वयं शक्ति से
वो जो सामने विराग विष का प्याला
रखा था यूं कि पुनर्जनम के वास्ते
मरने की शर्त लगी थी
- तो फिर समक्ष
समर्पण के सिवा
क्या राह बची थी?

सो मैं ने मन छोड़ा
और तुम ने झट  थाम लिया -
बस यही निदान था।

भोर

भोर हुई है
सूरज बस निकलने ही वाला है
बादलों का पट सीना चीर कर
अपनी भरपूर चमक लिए
धुप से धरती का ये सिरा
सहलाने गुदगुदाने -
पता है जो
यहाँ बड़ी देर तलक
तारीक शब का बसेरा था
उफ़ यहाँ कितना अँधेरा था।

my heart is boarded up
with a sign up
to say -
from today
all cowards with their cowardice
need find
another place to stay.

उपकार

तो आखिर दिखाई लीला
तुम ने जो मैंने
योगेणे चित्तस्य पदेना वाचां
के मन्त्र पढ़े
कुछ यूँ कि बिखरते बिखरते
निकल पड़ी हूँ
अपने सप्त चकरों के घन चक्कर से
और दर्शक बनी निहार रही हूँ
इस यकीं के साथ कि
वो मैं नहीं थी -
जब सहस्र सो चुका था
अज्ञ को भी थी नींद लगी
विशुद्दी को शुद्ध अशुद्ध की
कुछ थी पड़ी नहीं
अनाहत आहत पड़ा था
और बेचारा मणिपुर -
निर्धन अपनी शक्ति के मणि मोती लुटा
टुकुर टुकुर बस ताक रहा था
स्वाधिष्ठान और मूलाधार को
जो अनायास ही
तांडव कर चले थे
जो मुझे कदाचित
अब कबुल नहीं -

शुक्र गुजार हूँ।

inspiring words: yogena cittasya padena vacam
                           malam sarirasya ca vaidyakena
                           yopakarottam pravaram muninam
                           patanjali pranjalir anato'smi
                           Om shanti shanti shantihi

meaning: yoga purifies consciousness, language and speech
               the impurities of the body are removed with science of medicine
               these were given in the best of forms by my saint ('muni') - to whom i want to get close to
               patanjali to whom i pay respects to him with folded hands
               Om --- peace, peace and peace alone/
               

i'm home alone
again inundated with thoughts
that bother You so
i try
not to let seed
undo forming habit
its just that each one
as i remove
from heart's recess
heaves a long sigh -
it winces
along with me

just read your lines -
they said
you planned, created to lead
each to its goal
- where am i heading though
give me my light lest
in this darkness
as a blind
i'm led astray.

Awakening

It's ok
I heard You
speak thru deepak*-
it was gently said
between silent thoughts
that he was given
he was chosen
to be Upaguru
just for then
to reflect Your light
and let me see
self in clarity -
I am blessed
to be loved
and love
without belonging to any
other than Yea


I will heed
I'll free, not hold
I'll let him go too
but only for You.

Amen


* Deepak Chopra - meditations on love: 'loving your beloved'

...so I've heard
You say
by the case of every passing day
i've to stand for right and
will for patience
to get out of harm's way,
so whatever my plight
coz here
i certainly have no right
i'll take charge
of my aching heart
submit surrender in longing to you
but much
that i trust thee
i can't help pause
take stock and cry -
Why
did You leave me alone
in experience of love again?

in this world
like all things finite
love
has a life span too
- i accept with grace
what wisdom You endow
in heart
but being human
i will turn
seek and ask:
as from You we've come
to wait patiently for
eternal return
so i'll uphold my patience
and hold You to Your promise
that when i return
let my reward be he.

कहने सुनने को
अब हम तुम ही है
बस तो
इस से पहले कि बात बढे
शिकायतों का सिलसिला चले
एक दरख्वास्त बता दूं ?

दुआ समझ कर पूरी कर दो ....

एक कुटिया किनारों पे तामीर करा दो
साहिल से सागर को तका करुँगी
ना मेरा आँचल भीगेगा
ना तुम्हारी ओर
कोई अंगुली उठेगी।

After writing this Your hands led me to the FB page and guess what I read written there :)

Rent a house for me in Your neighborhood

I can't stay away from you.

~Rumi♥

कहा तुम ने
तो मैं ने सुन लिया
लो आ गयी
पलट मोती बिखरा गयी -
शायद विरक्ति से घबरा गयी थी
अपने अंधेरों में थोड़ी देर
इक लौ की चमक से
थरथरा गयी थी

तुम ने थामा
हाँ सही किया
पर इस मार्ग पे क्या
विद्विषा का प्याला क्या
तुम ने था नहीं धरा?

You say i've erred
for i dared
and danced
with desires
that rage in a sinning soul
well isn't it fair
then for me to say
recall my Lord
by whose command
it ignited and sparked
then to forbid
and ask to tame
with heart and hands already charred
answer my prayer
from where do i find
the strength
to douse it all?

ok resume
i'm here to heed
with all ear
proviso -
you hear
me out too.

You'd removed
my fear
when through a deluge of tear
I heard You say
I won't get more
than I can ever bear
so its about time
to let me know
when can i expect
this pine
to begin to slow?

yes You're so right
no dreams should rest
on castles that aren't mine.

so i will pull out
straight and rest in sanity
sanctity thats Thine.

but remember
it has to be together
for - 'sah viriam karva vahe'
was my call
do hold me tight
or else i'll sway
falter and fall.



reminder note:

yes i'm listening...

You say it isn't right
to call love as Your light
if it leaves one with deliberation
in shadows of pain
knowing full well
it'll cost them
their life
yes it isn't right
to call it love when it stands
beside only when there's shine
then choose to slip away
without a pretense or
apology to have
other gain
another stab at life.

i agree...
but listen
there's one line that i need to add
in fairness
love was there with me in melancholy
to mop pick up the litter that they'd
left...only this time
Your light was reflected
it was diffused
in form of friends that
stood by.

i love You
for at last making me wise.

Lo I've left
company of friends too
coz You said
You wanted me alone
to whisper
Truth in my ear
so go on
begin -
I'll listen...

कैसे जियूं?

बहुत मुश्किल है
सुबह काम पे जाना
यूँ हँसना मुस्कुराना
जैसे कोई बात नहीं।

बहुत मुश्किल है
अकेले ही रोना खिलखिलाना
ख्यालों में यूँ डूब जाना
जैसे हो तुम्हारा साथ यहीं।

बहुत मुश्किल है
गाडी चलाना, बदमस्त नग़मोँ में
खुद को बहलाना यूँकि
मंजिल की याद नहीं।

बहुत मुश्किल है
हर शाम घर आना
बत्तियों से मूंह छुपाना
जैसे मिले  तनहाइयों  पे
तुम्हारा भी नाम कहीं ।