Cry of heart

So much 

You've given me

Above those around

I know

I accept

I thank

Yet appeal for more -

More of content

More patience

More vision

More courage

More endurance

More to give

More of kindness

More of reason

More and some more

Of truth

All along until 

end draws close

With eternal call

I retreat to rest

In slumber

That makes me

Worthy to be

One with Divinity.

Scribbled circa 1995; cravings and calls have stood the test of time - so it seems!

Apne paraye chehron ke samudra mein

Thapedon se simta

Ek ret ka tila

Apne tapte zarron ko liye

Khada hai

Suraj tale

Badi besabri se intezar hai

Us raat ka 

Jo saath layegi sannata, khamoshi

Aur khunak gehre sukoon ki.

Found it in a scrawl - scribbled on a telephone diary circa 1995

A warrior either 

Triumphs, or 

Falls to ground

Defeated yet proud

That he stood

Tall for his call

Not failing belief 

Of life

He warred 

for a cause

And waged  strife

For truth

That beckoned forth

His self

To scroll on pages 

that hold the likes -

Of Gandhi , Teresa, Martin Luther king

All persevered to shine the light 

And show -

Victory is in courage to fight

War won or lost 

It's immaterial

It's quite another thing!

Fidelity

It's a rival now -

it seeks to not know

Humaneness of emotion

Or purity of intent 

Or emptiness of lone

Or unseen innocence

That's dared to desire

Beyond limits of norm.

Hastily then 

Lines of judgement 

stand drawn

Its circumspect:

- how can love falter?

- how can it be on offer 

   without question or ego?

- how dare it overstep

  whats permissible, whats not?

As jury stands 

to judge my soul

I'm on trial

So I turn 

My head

Looking eye to eye

I raise my chin

And before it can ask

With hands up in air

I state the obvious

No - no permission was granted

It wasn't even sought

I submitted without ration 

or a thought

I surrendered to accept

what knocked on the door

Of my heart's core

What's worse men

Listen - 

I'm not guilty or sore

I've chosen the given

With right

Not amor.

panchali's pain

Panchali's pain

has lived thru eons of time -

it lives still

raw in recesses 

of female consciousness 

that's been let down,

disgraced in love

also in matrimony 

all in all

being let down in trust

completes journey 

of romantic feline soul;

so having lived 

the Mahabharata of my time 

Friend

its time for me 

to head 

towards gates of heaven now!

Desire and destiny

Paths of desire and destiny

reportedly go separate ways

Desire highways

over and across

scintillating flames

that blaze to devour

it feeds 

fuel to Hellfire

for hereafter.

Destiny on the other hand

courses over dull terrains

in surrender and hope

that it'll

inch closer so

will allow peek 

or rest in grandeur

it'll bring 

at very least closer

to the eternal garden

of Heaven.

Consciousness then

silently reveals

Yet another path 

there is indeed

a serene trail 

of peaceful ease -

Synchronicity

with eyes of will

delivers safe

to haven 

every soul

wrapped warm within

a shawl

of rainbow hues

they go all the way

from desire

to desired destiny.

I am

I am
existence and consciousness
of love, truth and peace;
am content 
as created by You
however if there seem
a gaping gap 
or ugly hole
in any part -
I will ask nought of any;
All I'll do
is to humbly beseech
in surrender bow
for then its up to You
Almighty, for me
only You can open the door
to walk through 
To deliver 
this fragmented 
Soul within
to its Grand Whole.

Commitment

Since you're

wanting to commit,

I ask -

Just be there for me 

to rest in knowing

There's someone who

cares more than 

Loved ones through

Vows of marriage

Or bonds of blood could

Ever do....

you're welcome

to be the friend 

I need indeed!

'Ziddi', 'pagal'

Stubborn, insane

Mad, maverick -

These titles adorn my mantle

Awarded by sane souls

Who I chanced upon

Journeying thru' my life

I read, I smile

And ask - why

Am I being honoured so?

Just because I chose 

To stand by

Regardless of scorch or shade

Colour or creed

For every cause 

That touched my soul

I dared to look

Into life's eye!

My bed

My bed's my boat

Where I

Dwell and dream

sometimes float
glide with thoughts
setting to sail
resting on wings
of timeless time -
from earth
I soar to sky.

A superficial scald

From spill of a cup of tea

Was all it took

For You

To set seal

Mark me

Leave me branded for lifetime?

Week after week

I've been out to check

To only find

While all else has healed

This mark 

unfaded  untainted by time

Adorns my skin

Brandishing against pale 

With its dark mystic shine

I smile now - well aware 

It's not ordinary

I was branded thus

Devoutly to Dance
Alone in attendance 

as Thine!

Today -

I just want to listen

to you, him and her

for I've nothing of worth

to offer, 

or to speak to any

for all I expressed before

was mere broth

it sizzled succulently

of tales ego wove

to set forth illusion

it'd imagined for self

and now that its gone

its still

and aware to pain

that’s there 

to linger a while ....

wanting me to savour

and forever remember 

the sweet after-taste 

of what remains now of me -

here I alone

am the I, me, mine

of existence over time

I was meant to perceive

in its entirety

so in silence 

here and now

I just wanna be. 

shadow of dusk

today on evening walk
i noted
my shadow was tall
taller than
the apparently real form,
it carried with ease
eagerly forth
the smaller girth
of me
had no fear of fall.

why had I so fret then
I thought -
to do this or that
it mattered not when
i never was
in charge of how
sun's light will fall
on stage of illusion!

the puppet moved
in wayward moves
till mind and body vied
to take precedence
to control
the Scriptwriter's scroll

it was only when
Self unentangled of strings
in surrender to puppeteers call
it danced with grace
with roaring applause
thru', until the curtain call!

Jotted on 22.4.13

सरकते सायों के दरमियाँ 

थम कर जब 

पलट काँधे से परे तका 

तो पाया -

एक अकेली लौ 

यूं थरथरा रही थी 

मानों सामने फिसलते अंधेरों को 

दुरदुरा रही थी

मेरा हौंसला बढ़ा रही थी 

बस इतनी दमक से 

कि देख सकूं एक कच्ची डगर 

जो सामने बढ़ने का नियोता दिए चली थी,

काफी है ये प्रकाश 

मेरे आज के लरजते दिल को

कि संभल उठा सकूँ कदम ...

डगमगाते स्वाभिमान को यकीन की कमी थी 

तुमने बड़ी आसानी से

राह दिखा पुरी कर दी।

nothing comes for free

like everything in life
love has its price too
its tagged
with promise to be
when all and everyone
choose to forsake
in prickly heat of sun
where own shadow
is shy
of being seen
or be in another's vision
at a time when calamity
calls upon
penury lingers
chill pierces through bone
and there's no one
to whom to turn
to cuddle up for warmth -
that's when beloved
asks to be paid
with more than a dimes worth
more than any money
it asks for strength
and a conviction
to standby
without remorse and chin high.

Who am I?....

Each time Nisaragadata's question

Touched my tympanum -

Mind buckled

Consciousness expanded

To bring in bliss

The bliss of sheer being;

I am one of many

A miracle amidst seven billion

Awaiting to be manifest

To potential, 

that's been gifted

Sat-Chit-Ananda

It's tat sat of every life divine

Including mine.

Why should I strife

To be constant - never more 

Nor less

When change is the unwritten rule

Explicit in nature.

सच है
उन का रंग बिरंगा गोला
कुछ यूं है उछाला तुमने
कि उस के इक सिरे को पकडे
आदमज़ाद बस उलझते जूझते
अरमानों की पेंचों में थिरकते
खींचे चले आते हैं
एक दुसरे से जुटे
तुम्हारी ओर
की बस यही कशिश
लीला और रास
जिए जाने की चाहत का अहसास
बस तुम्हारे हाथों की जुंबिश
का ताबेदार है
जहाँ दूसरा सिरा
तुम्हारी पकड़ ने धरा है।

I've always believed
in the greatness in magnitude
of the greater good
that dwells amongst
inhabitants of this earth,
...so whats changed
i wonder
as waves after waves
of awakened consciousness
knock the door
of my diminutive  form
each and every day?


intuition turns on its side
in lockroom of my head
it gently whispers -
its call of Divine
as time and space pull
every created kind
to the Grand Finale
He has lifted now veil
turned on green signal
allowing one truth
to enjoin with other
enhancing its strength
in preparation for
whats to come
when it has to meet
head on in collision
the lure of untrue soul
its sign
to be steady and sharp
be open in vision
to receive whats under
for time and tide
wait for none!

Today I just want to listen

To you, him or her

For there's nothing of worth

To speak to any

All I had was broth 

Of succulent tales

That ego had woven

To set strong illusion forth

And now that its gone

Pain lingers ....

Yet I want to savour

The remains 

of what once was alone

I, me, mine

Of my existence

Arabian Sea and Me

I needed to share
Today with someone
Who understood
What's common
Between Arabian Sea
And me-
We both hang in motion
Between earth
And ever so deep ocean
As if in this restlessness
We'll find
Our one and only truth.p

Indispensability

World goes on
Whether you choose
To sing or dance
Or to sleep
Say so long....
No one needs
Anyone here
For all that's needed
For universe
Is always there
And moreover
There's more...
In abundance
Life waits with patience
To become manifest
As you take leave
And make
Your final bow
The Royal decree
Reaches to pour
Out of another
Present soul.

चलो ढूंढते हैं साथ मिलके
वोह राह जो गुज़रती है
आवारा बादलों से लिपटती है
और फिर लापरवाह सी ससरती है
सप्तरंगे इन्द्रधनुष से उतरती है
उस क्षितिज के आँगन में
जहाँ सुकून और साथ के सिवा
कुछ भी नही।

Pain -
it's been my companion 
for a while now
so much a part of me
it makes me see
befriend life
listen and smile 
Every day on its terms
with detachment.

शाम के सन्नाटों में

चिड़ियों की चहचहाहट के दरमियाँ

एक आवाज़ सुनी थी 

जो कर्मपथ पे अग्र्सर होने को 

ढकेल रही थी 

एक के प्यार को 

कईयों में 

विसर्जित करने को 

ललकार रही थी 

ठोड़ी पकड़ झूकी पलकों को 

पुचकार रही थी 

यूं कह-

कर्म योधा अब सुन चित से 

इस ध्वनि में तेरे विधाता के 

शंख की ललकार है. 

You are special
for you've brought 
me to brink
of abyss in experience
to seek
that which exists beyond
so listen
go on 
give another push
and I
will be delivered
safe and knowingly 
to Him -
He solely is
object and intent
of this
heart's shopping cart.

Gurus

In the temple
of my being
in this body reside
two gurus -
mind beyond reason
heart in spirit of silence
they seize me
in solitude
kindle a fire
to extinguish dim darkness
thats around
then whisper and point
ever so gently
they draw me
towards You
to experience my whole
...........
Give me strength
To turn in
with steadiness
into my being
with You.

Loneliness -
is a beautiful state
of inner peace
that invites in
the presence
of Holy Divine.

True company
is where silence
finds you -
it holds each unspoken line
preciously close to ear
of listening hearts;
one might be you
and other a soul mate
who's been
divinely defined.

PS: To reassure my sis when she complained of feeling lonely

Apparitions

Such a starved bank of moss
Till, that May morn,
Blue ran the flash across:
Violets were born!

Sky - what a scowl of cloud
Till, near and far,
Ray on ray split the shroud:
Splendid, a star!

World - how it walled about
Life with disgrace 
Till God's own smile came out:
That was thy face!

Robert browning, he always brings the truth to fore

Co-creator

Am I a co-creator? -
I wonder and sense
there's touch of arrogance
in essence of this role...
No with You
I prefer
I'll most certainly do
I'll serve
with penitent servileness,

Deep churning
is what you subject my insides to,
are you being cruel
to punish?
I know I've erred
or -
are you being cruel
to be kind
to extract of me
the nectar
I never could've know
it existed, except
when squeezed through
Your delivering hand

I crawl

I am the spider
That awkwardly crawls
To fall again
In a dangle!

Hold me close

I am stumbling

I am reaching out 

with hands outspread

I seek just

Your attention...

no more.

I cry, I weep

I fumble as the chill seeps

Here behold my heart

I've emptied

It's it all

only for You...

come in

and shut its door.

I am straining

I am listening

I stand on trembling tip toe

to scan the horizon

to welcome footstep

that carries 

sound of You.

i've been a wanderer
of sorts -
in love, work, and home
I've been a seeker of
peace and truth
and now when I look
for place to hang
the tired coat
that hugs my frame to warmth
the eyes have come to rest
where a sign displays
to say:
Not all who wander
are lost,
Yea yay....
I've pulled my sock
back on.

Hail, hear calling
of soul
turn in to plug
into socket of Source
awakening has taken over
awareness is on roll
and as you heal
join flow
of life to connect
with not one, not two
but many like You
who seek their calling
stamped with seal when born
to serve and deliver
as vessel and instrument
sincerely they strive on
to ensure
that will of Divine
is manifest
in abundance its done
Amen.

Csaba said:
Come on
don't be such a chicken
life often does
give another chance
it's alright to be
In love again.

I said:No no
no more my friend
my heart's now well trained
to gather its beat
turn and run
a million miles away
if love ever comes this way
teasing with its
titillating knock again!

I am very alone
right down to deepest
recess of marrow
yet feel content
that I am with me.

He created in love
with His very own
Spirit he blew and breathed
in us
- the power to rise
from human
become Divine
........................
In tamas 
We've dwelled
since we chose to ease
rather than 
endeavour ascension
our finite senses
served to bring down
transform divinity
worship earthly, human forms!

Eat Pray Love

Mantras for life:
Eat love pray
travel
Italy India Bali
breathe behave like Yogi
let go and woo
the four saints 
that are saviours -
Intelligence, strength
Friendship and poetry
they're every person's friend
heart break is the mantle
of the brave alone
they tried
choosing not to stay 
not turn away
when the heart got a knock
It's OK
let it be
it'll heal
you'll recuperate
just swallow vit E
replenish loss with drinks of water
pack bags
travel far and wide 
aound globe go round and round 
without destination
nor keep any desire to arrive
Sleep well
Be silent, be still
meditate, chant and tasbih
speak to take solace
in karma and destiny...


Romance and passion
are ardent forces of life
that open 

gates of heaven
love's to be tasted priorto entering bliss of Eden
The mantra is not to give up 
so prepare 
to be brave once again.

It takes two
- to make
Love, friendship and music
Without each
Life's lonely walk
That I'd rather take
Unless I'm assured
That I'm loved cared for
Nearly as much
If not 
absolutely the most.

I surrendered
And You
Presented me with a burden
Of choice...
Now please listen
Me out - 
I am happy
To be with Thee
To love you alone
And then if You choose
To reincarnate
Give love to me as boon
In human form
Then let it be
The a live like of Karn
In courage, truth, conviction
For nought else
Nothing less
Will suffice
Any more.

I've asked before
Now ask again
Why would Brahman
Reincarnate into human
When 
divinity was what 
He required aspired 
For us -
It makes little sense
For the Guru emits light 
To rid off darkness
And not cast 
Further shadows,
deepen doubt
For man needs to see 
to be divine.

Sahyadri ki pahadian
Patton ki Chilman
Aur unke lams se siharti
Jagmagati bikharti roshni
Ye dhoop
Tumhare ishare se pahunchi
Hai aaj yahan
Mujhe batane
Hawa mein ab bhi 
Tumhare vishwas ki 
Khushboo baqi hai
Mere dil mein
Tumhare dhadkan ki
Kadak baki hai -
Kafi hai ye
Ek zinda zindagi ke liye.

Who are you ?
Challenged my friend 
the fearless one - 
Abhay asked
Are you God fearing
Or a God loving one?

Umm that's easy
Choice - I go on
To retort
yes I love to be 
in His company 24/7
And fire of hell
Or eternal claim on heaven
Couldn't force me to sway
either way
I know for sure.


As creature of present
the sweet silence of being
with Him day in 
and day out
its too intoxicating
so I continue to
Not look beyond
the pleasure of now
I need to draw on this nectar
of His presence
more to survive
than to thrive in
a future promise 
of eternal gains in heaven!

I love Him Abhay
and to be without this link
a round the clock connection 
that makes my day 
pulse meaningfully away
life would be really 
hard to bear by.

I love Him Abhay
much more than hell's fire 
could with fear deter
or love of heaven
could lure me ever 
I am His alone
because the love
I was offered
I'm a drunkenly
God loving one.

Nar se Narayan ne
Bada haas kiya hai
Adrishya ho prakriti mein
Khud ko dhoondhne ka
Woh bhi aashiqui se -
Ka aadesh diya


Phir nirantar Sandesh diya 
yoon ki 
Pramatma to bhi 
parthav preet ki
Kritak ko krit ki
Preet darkar hai.


Par hum
Kahan dhundhen tumhen
Swayam arpan karne ko ?
Samaksh sansaar mein
Jahan ki jagmagahat apni
Chakachaundh se andha karti hai
Ya dil ki galiyon mein
yuun bhi
Jahan andhere virajmaan hain?


To shama jalane
aarti chadhane ko to
tumhare hath 
aur nirantar saath ka israar hai
So ab prakat ho
Prabhu na samaksh sahi
Par arpan ko
Tumhare paas ka 
ahsaas darkar hai