No more...

 It's been happening.... for too long!

It often happens

When love is forgotten

And hate becomes 

A raging fashion.

When this happens 

Children're orphaned

Womanhood defiled

Limbs are lost 

And so are happy homes

The rage becomes

A force of destruction 

It happens when 

this happens -

Fog shrouds the hapless brain

There ain't a reason

No justification 

To justify numbers 

That depict 

human devastation

It has happened 

It'll continue to happen

Unless the silence 

Is no more in vogue

Hand in hand 

Peace lovers crowd 

To shout out loud

No more -

Enough 

We won't let it happen

Anymore 

This is our world 

Where peace should 

Reign.

I

 I am confused-

This longing is set

To continue

Leaves me wondering 

Is it truly for you just

Or in truth

It's for the One

Who brought 

Me to you ?

dil

It's a struggle, a true strife to find balance of heart between what should be and what can't be. 

दिल बेदर्द

आवरागर्द

हुआ बैठा है

और हम उसे

चेहरे पे पड़ी

सिलवटों 

में समेटने को हैं

बेक़रार

दिल बेदर्द

आरज़ूमंद 

है हमें बनाने को

गुनहगार

दिल बेदर्द है

मगर हुआ बेकाबू

जो पा कर

ख़्वाबों का आसमान

चाहता करे अपना सच

साक्षातकार-

क्या करें 

दिल ही तो है!

Promise of love

Most love fails at this point ... but it's good as long as the illusion lasts .... or maybe to stay silent and not ask is the best strategy to keep it alight?

I'll walk 

No matter what

Ecstasy-ing in melody and music 

That in love abounds

In face of low 

And high high 

Grounds

Be it heat

Or, cold bloody

I can endure 

The roast, the freeze

Together I can overcome 

All with ease

Without any name to give 

Be called so and so 

In a way that befits any 

Paradigm of society

Staying 

Walking hand in hand

With you

I'll wade thru every storm

I can be brave

for love, in love 

I can walk strong and tall

Heeding heart's call 

But to continue 

On this thorn laden path

Love, I ask -

Can you?

Khul ke barse

It's festival time

A time to rejoice...

The gift of a question

That'd turned to  silence....

Tumhein kya chahiye ? -

Ye jo tum ne 

meri aan aur armaan se puch liya

Besaakhta ummeedon ke dareeche

Dil ne yun khol diya

Barsan thi phir aankhon se 

Aur zuban pe shukriya 🙏🏼 

Barefoot

Yesterday, I reflected on why I end up barefoot or choosing footwear that is as open to elements as possible. Time and again, people have pointed this out to me. This happened yesterday, too, when I walked to the High Street in my flip-flops, and someone asked me, "Aren't your feet cold?" I smiled. Let it pass. Then, I reflected. 

This has always been me whenever I can -  duty room, home and, of course, in the park. Penny dropped today during a random exchange of messages with Pash, starting with the Pakeeza song - chalte chalte yunhi koi mil gaya tha...

He becomes my teacher by making me look in the mirror and comprehend my resolved and unresolved heart yearnings! 

The feminine in me

goes for all that's natural 

I love to keep 

my feet bare

not restrain

or keep them under cover 

or safe over a weather-hardened sole;

I let them feel 

assurance of firm ground 

I let them feel 

feather-light promise of fresh air

they can sense and taste

earthly smell that emanates

after a hearty soak of rain 

I run, dance and walk

barefoot in the park 

sans constrain

when on a stroll 

feeling firm on the ground I tread

when pebbles prick and prod

my feet can take the hurt

to feel the sore 

then heal 

and walk further afar

wee bit more....

with miles ahead on stretch 

who knows

when final milestone will lay ahead

very close.

 

तुम जितना दोगे

उस से ज़्यादा की कोई माँग नहीं 

निभाने की क़सम मेरी थी 

तुमने तो कभी खाई ही नहीं

यूँ भी -

उन दस्त से क्या लेन देन की 

करें उम्मीद 

उल्फ़तो जुर्रत में है छिड़ी रहती 

जहां बेवजह तकरार;

मेरा माज़ी हमारे पाँव की 

ज़ंजीर भी है 

सब से बढ़ कर 

आप की सुनायी दी हमें 

कभी हाँ ही नहीं ।

Harvesting pause

Yes, no questions are left to be asked. Just let me be.

In an attempt

for harvest 

of my pause

I've chosen still silence;

with no questions

asked of You

and no tools to hand

maybe 

it'll be the fodder;

I'll seek not

to unearth

more truth -

let me be

let my silence grow

me.

Tarpan

Today is the day of offering (तर्पण) sacrifice to 'मुनासिबत'.

This was coming anyway .... a number of theoretical premises can be put forward and hypotheses conjectured to explain what and why. What's the point? Like I could say that the other's heart is stirred by someone else. Or, familiarity breeds contempt - and my not playing hide and seek games out of the regard I hold for feeling of Love and You and Your Divine plan is my undoing. All a series of unknown possibilities. However, what I've come to know for certain and from experience is that you don't want me to be fulfilled in heart. So be it. 

Yesterday DP lost his father's watch. He was hurt and I was in pain ... knowing full well what such sentimental losses mean to a sentimental soul. And then intuition alerted me that this is coming. The loss was perhaps taken as a sign from the departed soul and after a long gap in communications, when I reached out, I got this message  👇🏼

"मैं भूल जाऊँ तुम्हें 

अब यही मुनासिब है ,,,,"

Well who am I and how dare I question - "मुनासिबत"?

I always have and will always accept. 

Yet let's be clear on the terms of this parting deal between You and I. No matter how much pine and pain you parcel out to me with twists and turns in Your storyline, I will not humiliate the नारी within me and send her out with a begging bowl for love. So....

आज से 

फिर से आँख सूनी है 

सूनी है दिल की माँग

तुम कर अपना प्रण अर्पण

सब बिसर 

जा बैठो 

अपने रब के परिसर, 

भजन कीर्तन का करो 

उस ठौर सहर्ष अलाप;

मेरा घट तो सदा 

अलख निरंजन 

मौन, चुप को धार 

मैं भी सहज 

रागूँगी राग विराग 🙏🏼

Dealing with the void is to Pause

 II guess, I am not the only one haunted by this feeling - the vacuum is powerful👇🏼

I feel incomplete

On more than one fronts 

It's not that 

I haven't tried enough

In fact it has been too much

And it's about time 

I sense - 

In this journey of

Pretty little and so much

I come to rest, just

Pause.

love and war

Love is my elixir, especially now when all seemed dark and ugly in my personal life. I am grateful. It has, though, taken my eyes off the world radar and calling of my soul - to alleviate suffering due to disease and death. 

News of the escalating war in the Middle East hit hard last night when I caught up on world news after a long heart-to-heart with Pash. Remorse for selfishness and being lost in my own healing was there....but can an ailing medicine man bring any good to anyone?

I've been selfish

I am in anguish

for I forgot

I was lost

so rapt in the moment

that was wrapped around

you and me.

I forgot

there's a war raging

innocent lives were being taken

by death for no reason

except for their nation

warlords -

had decreed

it to be dead!

Childhood was being orphaned

youth being maimed

young bride being widowed

before the night's shadow fell

she didn't get a chance

to feel safe

in her lover's first embrace;

mother, daughter, young and old

even unborn in the womb

all were sent back home

where they'd come from

with sudden blasts of bomb -

indiscriminate

in the violence

was spelt their

power-ordained doom.

Darling -

amidst this havoc

what right did I have

in sweet company, I've languished

devouring beauty

when you sing

ever so lovely -

each and every song?

I sit beside me now

on solitary lonesome watch

I soak

newsfeed after newsfeed

is being served

past the midnight clock

to deliver knock

perhaps on conscience,

in sorrow

my grief is partnered

by the darkness of remorse.

How could

I while off time

in play of match with Cupid

so lost I was in his trance

for I knew none

to be more sublime

than tug of unconditional luv;

here though in this hour,

wakefulness has made its call-

I'm sorry

I'm afraid

it all feels

very very wrong;

and makes me ask

how could my breath

breathe fury

at wanderings

of your philandering heart,

whoever there

reigned supreme

while you'd given

her reins of your heart;

why ever should

mundane matter

when time's swift on move,

in my flow of gay abandon

so blinded I was,

I'd missed to see

our planet's tumultuous mood.

Now in this wake-minute

it's obvious

where I stand

is nigh closer to the end

than from where it'd all begun,

I question so -

how dare I

rise beyond the norm

and not heed the human cry

how dare I fall in love

when call of suffering

should've left me

gut strong and in heart light;

it was the need of hour

to stride right

for the right.

Sorry,

if I say and admit, I've been selfish

so in anguish

I'm penning down remorse -

well, they say all is fair

in true love and, in any

goddamned hateful war -

will this excuse then suffice

my indiscretion be forgiven

will it be judged fairly-fair

in match to

unfairness in this war?

 जाने क्यों Pash quizzed today -

Quiz for you - तुमने ख़ुद की खुदाई देखी है? 

My truth responded -

हम तो बंदगी में भी

नाकाम और महरूम रहे

खुदाई की ऊँचाई 

है मेरे ख़ुद से परे!

जो अपना गुदवा कर आया था

भाई, सगा, संबंधी

और वो भी जिस ने समक्ष तुम्हारे 

जीने मरने की सौगंध में 

उमर भर कह के बांधा था,

एक हिचक भी ली ना किन्होंने 

मन लूट, कर सर्वनाश भरोसा 

रिश्तों को कटुता से काटा था ..,

क्या कमी रह गई थी 

उस पल में मेरे रोने 

तुम्हारे रूलवाने में 

भरपूर रक्तरंजित प्याले थे मेरे

घड़ा भर अश्रु बहाई मैं 

क्या सोच समझ तुम अब फिर 

मन में प्रीत जगाते हो

ढलते सूरज के आँगन में 

पूस के धूप की आस लगवाते हो! 

हास, रास, मगन ठिठोली

को सबीना ही मिल पायी 

साथ ख़राब से ऊँची आबादी 

कही और प्रेम प्रसंग सजाओ ना।

साथ तुम्हें नहीं देना मेरा 

फिर क्यूँ अनायास ही 

प्रेम प्रसंग अनजाने से करवाते हो?

एकाकीपन तुम्हें पसंद हमारा

हम ने भी ये तसलीम पिया 

लेकिन निष्ठुर बन छेड़ो ना 

किसी गाम से बंसी की तान पिया 

कानों में रस घुलवा

आकुल मन को करती है 

प्रिय मिलन को आतुर करती 

साथ जिया ये ढूँढे है।

थाम लिया देखो हिये को 

आँचल को समेत है बांध लिया 

अधूरेपन का एहसास लिए 

जी लेंगे 

तान दो हम पर गहरी चादर 

सो जाऊँ मन में 

यादों के मधुर संगीत लिए।