You let me down...

Dreams, visions, story boards - and I've followed all Your signs with trust. Every time I've been let down. Regardless, I've gathered my stance and walked in surrender, with acceptance.

But this time - no more. It has happened before, I asked and You heeded not. 

My pain is inconsequential to You.

 

This time 

I'll change my game

in my stance 

You'll find

no longer trust -

gem that outshines

gleam of gold

its lost, defines me no more,

I'll receive the ordained

with no ask of why,

for I'm sure

benevolence isn't in

Your design for me;

forever a sophomore

I'll remain

in trials of war and love

that You've writ large 

in white and black

on my assigned time 

and space so far,

I'll face knowing for sure

this script's been scribed

with intent

to mark me fail;

I'll accept

no matter 

how much my spirit flails

the score of nought 

in school of life, is alright

I'll remain a zero

whenever love calls in

I'll be doomed and damned

I'll suffer pain, afterall

its part of divine plan

so what's the point 

in turning to Thee

with plea

for respite and mercy?

Do scorch my soul,

do let go of me as before

for when I kneel

to beseech

with humility, or cry 

asking in Your Name,

no matter which language I try 

being heard is not my fate

in Divine domain!

So, leave me lost,

to loiter, to wander

with no guide to point out the way

there's no urge to win

no fear of utter loss,

unless You choose to recourse

I'll play my game

this time 

with changed stance.