heart vs mind

Mind beckons 

with thoughts 

and many crafted reasons,

it lures

towards baser identity

whereas the heart -

it calls upon

to rise 

with every single beat

if listened to,

it inspires to attain

Divine eternity.

As winter freeze

thawed this year

through mellow spring 

to give 

way to summer breeze -

I saw three choices present

for my yet un-lived 

years of life.

In answer to

oft asked question

Who am I

- a child of God

- God's reflection

- or, a servant of God?

without a flicker or doubt

not with any hesitation

I bowed in gratitude

to chose

to be a mere instrument

of Grace -

it unfolds life 

to flow with 

the Divine will.

From darkness

leaped at me

Demons of loneliness

Deception and a sadness profound

I then seized upon fear

using as lever

I valiantly peered

at bygone past

and found -

looking lovingly

at my soul's silent ground

You stood beyond, yet near

With light upheld

I could see God

alone His presence

unwaveringly stood

to show 

my faltering self -

the way.

Thank You

- for I've finally

put a full stop

with complete peace

to my fall

in ache and pine

to be in love

and loved too

as I leafed thru' 

Liz Gilbert's journey

to eat pray and love

it was impossible

not to notice

how remarkably wondrous

and gentle was Your way

to let the penny drop

and sink to let me know

the what, why, how

of happenings of my life

and now

that I know You

I know myself better too

its easy to accept -

all that matters

here and now

in ever-expanding Universe

is the only truth and case

there's only this that matters

- affair's just

between You and me.

wounded soul
seeks no salve
but to rest its being
savour the whole
that seeps off
when awakened

From slumber!

belief versus certainty

I've converted -

from one who believed

to one who is certain

for belief came with duress 

as I

had to look, hear, try

consider to make sense

then proclaim 

without depth of knowing:

'I believe', 

with certainty however

nature aligns 

self to the invisible force

it knows

without being told

I'm certain 

there's a purpose to being -

its to humbly respond
to Creator's call.

थक गयी हूँ
पड़ाव ढूंढ़ते ढूंढ़ते
शायद सच है यही
 यहाँ सिर्फ़ सफ़र है
ठिकाना  कही नहीं।

every moment
consciousness seeks to materialise
with yet more clarity
the way to be whole -
then fears and old beliefs
surface as trappings
of very own ego
to shackle dream
urge not to soar
beyond known realm
of my comfort zone
in name of safe security,
yet heart refuses
to follow and tow line
etched painstakingly
by long gone ancestors..
in plain despair
i peer
thru' glassy darkness
of the night of soul
to read signs
that were left behind
by those who'd dared
to trod
the road not taken -
choice becomes then ever
so clear
i know
rather than stay
in known zone
i've to step out
cross Lakshman's line -
me prefers to
take leap of faith
experience fall through uncertainty.

This broken tree
its been turned to logs
that I sit upon
to rest, pause awhile
to soak refresh
in sight of green
it tells me
with awareness of pain
that's part of every broken form -
despair not
for within gloom that
dares to penetrate
thru' cracks of rot
in the fallen tree
still speaks of hope
that says to feel
each moment of incompleteness
that lies within
as a raw space
untouched, unfilled
waiting with tender reminder
to be cherished not condemned
its remains yours to say
whatever destiny
brings your way
core strength of purpose
is never to be taken away
by pine and pain of undeserving love
there's still lies within
broken self a further capacity
to serve, to give -
broken logs of my being
are still of worth and able
to offer tranquil and needed rest
I can still be respite
for a while
to another tired, worn out soul.

Its Ramazan

Its Ramazan -
you ask and it'll be given,
my mother whispers
in my lonesome ears
urging to bring some cheer
to my quiet
that seems as gloom
to her gentle, despairing heart.

I return
from reverie
I break to smile:
Mom - I've been given
even more before
when I knew not
what's mine to ask for
He turned the show
in Royal style
for me to perceive experience
of miracle -
I was given chance
this year to see
my very own wayward soul
as one with Whole
when I glimpsed and saw
my own self
reflected thru' another eye
and this blessing came
unasked my way
much before it was Ramazan.

कितनी आसानी से
तुमने चमत्कृत किया
कर्ण का स्वरुप अनायास
मन में उतार
अल्हड चित से अपरिचित को
सहज कुछ यूं कहलवा दिया -
मैं कर्ण हूँ
पहचान सको तो पा लो
कि ये प्रसाद प्रतीत है
प्रभु के बल से
साँझ ढले आया है
इस से पहले कि
सूर्यप्रकाश विलीन हो
दिल संभालो -
ये पाप कहाँ
ये पावन प्यार
तुम्हारा है.

As quest 

for why, where, what and who

ends - I look for crumbs

and leftovers

on my plate

all that's here is mine
I know

all that's left now 
will stay

it'll be only for You

So once again

I turn a page

Without blindfolds this time 

I look through visible script
to read the scrawl 
of invisible hand

that holds for me

the decree 

of Divine.

Cry of heart

So much 

You've given me

Above those around

I know

I accept

I thank

Yet appeal for more -

More of content

More patience

More vision

More courage

More endurance

More to give

More of kindness

More of reason

More and some more

Of truth

All along until 

end draws close

With eternal call

I retreat to rest

In slumber

That makes me

Worthy to be

One with Divinity.

Scribbled circa 1995; cravings and calls have stood the test of time - so it seems!

Apne paraye chehron ke samudra mein

Thapedon se simta

Ek ret ka tila

Apne tapte zarron ko liye

Khada hai

Suraj tale

Badi besabri se intezar hai

Us raat ka 

Jo saath layegi sannata, khamoshi

Aur khunak gehre sukoon ki.

Found it in a scrawl - scribbled on a telephone diary circa 1995

A warrior either 

Triumphs, or 

Falls to ground

Defeated yet proud

That he stood

Tall for his call

Not failing belief 

Of life

He warred 

for a cause

And waged  strife

For truth

That beckoned forth

His self

To scroll on pages 

that hold the likes -

Of Gandhi , Teresa, Martin Luther king

All persevered to shine the light 

And show -

Victory is in courage to fight

War won or lost 

It's immaterial

It's quite another thing!

Fidelity

It's a rival now -

it seeks to not know

Humaneness of emotion

Or purity of intent 

Or emptiness of lone

Or unseen innocence

That's dared to desire

Beyond limits of norm.

Hastily then 

Lines of judgement 

stand drawn

Its circumspect:

- how can love falter?

- how can it be on offer 

   without question or ego?

- how dare it overstep

  whats permissible, whats not?

As jury stands 

to judge my soul

I'm on trial

So I turn 

My head

Looking eye to eye

I raise my chin

And before it can ask

With hands up in air

I state the obvious

No - no permission was granted

It wasn't even sought

I submitted without ration 

or a thought

I surrendered to accept

what knocked on the door

Of my heart's core

What's worse men

Listen - 

I'm not guilty or sore

I've chosen the given

With right

Not amor.

panchali's pain

Panchali's pain

has lived thru eons of time -

it lives still

raw in recesses 

of female consciousness 

that's been let down,

disgraced in love

also in matrimony 

all in all

being let down in trust

completes journey 

of romantic feline soul;

so having lived 

the Mahabharata of my time 

Friend

its time for me 

to head 

towards gates of heaven now!