Sunday, December 29, 2013

Kuch padha
Kuch likha bhi
Dil ki sargoshi suni
Aansoo ki barsat mein sichi
Akele pan ki aag mein paki
Yuun din dhala raat ki or
Phir raat roshan huwi
Bas aise hi tanha tanha
Main din raat 
khud se khud mein basi.

Shukran Allah.
Mind points a blaming finger
At heart
Which gazes allegedly
At You -
Where does that leave me
My friends
Body, heart and mind
Am I deserted completely
By all of you?

Wednesday, December 25, 2013


This place that I sit 
To watch magnificence 
Of Your creation 
Gives me vantage and view
Of two transitions -
The edge of solid land 
With rocks and dry sand
Etched against 
Tumultuous, turbulent flow
Of sea water;
And then there's the sky - pink and rose
Set further beyond 
Near the line of horizon
It bows down
To meet in humility 
The serene blue
Of still and calmed - distant sea
Marking at last
Ascent of matter
With acceptance
From the distant Heaven.

I have crossed the first line
Transcending the second 
Is my goal.

Mirage of mind

No riches
No diamonds set in stone
No lavish endowment 
No jet set race
All I wanted
Was strong arms to brace
Where a weakling soul
Could turn in for respite
In surrender - tenderly rest my head
When times got thick
Going was tough
emotions ran raw
And 'me' needed to hide
Burying my face
Deep - in smell of your chest
I was seeking my shelter
With trust in Divine
And unshakeable belief
That then at that moment
Nothing could change - 
We were one
You were mine!

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Miraculous, mystical, mysterious

Are words that surface

When I fish in sea of consciousness

Hoping to catch from left overs

Of loitering waves

The shell that encapsulates

All that I have felt of You

I love You.

Friday, November 29, 2013

My life is a space 
Given to me for dreams
I do not 
Want to wake up
Till my horizon's been reached.

Jotted on 28.1.10


It's thanksgiving today
And the long list
That puts flutter in my heart
Kindles the flame of joy
That flickers with light
To drive darkness away
Now and everyday
It's Your presence
That's been my saving Grace
So I whisper -
Thank you 
For letting it be known
That while that's there
Rest all will serenely
Fall in place.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

This time the sea is sedate
coming on in gentle roll
calm without roar and uproar
not wanting to break to bits 
rocks that adorn the shore -
I scan surface
to witness 
settling of sea froth
to see clear 
my change of course
a year of tumult
has just gone past
graced by Your loving hand
that steered me through
to ease
at home in the deep
with stillness 
I rest in peace.


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

To try
is all that's human
- this ability
You endowed us with
to pursue
the promised nirvana
and so I do
trudge uphill upstream
- nor for the lush of green 
in heaven
its only to find freedom
when I be one 
with You.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

There're many paths
To You, however
Only one that's right and true
And if all seem similar 
With their arid and green
Tell me how
Do I distinguish between?
I've then left none
but to say
Let me off the blame
Of falter on way - 
sight of discernment 
That's due from You. 

Saturday, November 09, 2013


It's said
And I've read 
Of the Wise
That when 'I' is realised
It's time to change qibla
Turn direction
To the One
Without why
To give all that remains with 'my'
To let go, return
To where it'd been received from
And so I turn 
to face,
In my lifetime - the human race 
Children of Adam 
Is all that I have seen of You.

Saturday, November 02, 2013

Butterfly flew

Caterpillar crawled
It turned within
When restlessness stirred 
A sea so vast 
That was withheld 
from rising to meet
The sky of its dream
A Knowing Hand then
Cracked its shell
Lo behold 
The ripples set forth
Lofty waves that
Rose beyond 
A silent potential
Was thus released
To transform and grow
When wings of freedom 
Flapped the soul
Who could stop 
What was meant to be?

When HE intervened
True beauty was born
From trappings of form
Brave and sure 
The butterfly took to its wings!

ON BIRTHDAY of my sister who has embarked on her own flight free of fear, so full of light.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Who am I?

Wrapped in blue 
of time tattered shawl
in still, silent solitude
I sit tall
taking stock 
of vestiges that’ve fallen
off me.

I see
daughter, sister, mother, lover
a woman
who stubbornly nurtures 
a wayward child within
a professional loving to serve
changing cloak, coat and hat 
whenever health bugles have called
for ailment to take a toll
or suffering to give a knock -
she’s been there 
in care 
to be.

And now that urn
has shown crack
letting each role leak
slip past
there comes to note
a self 
that quietly sits -
unblinkered, unfazed by light
it looks around to 
find and pick 
of pieces lying around
choosing to ask
who am I?
whats here thats mine
for me?

I seek
with perseverence 
wanting to keep 
whats ‘me’ in me
I grope 
feel raw at shorn edge
I wish to make myself 
one and whole
from all remains 
that're scattered here
so I stop to look 
look again to see;
each fragment 
of my broken form
for sure 
furthers off my extended reach
it recedes like a mirage
fades away
as though it were
merely an illusion.

Subtly softly
truth comes to fore 
to say, hey you
you do not grieve
destiny had to take control
to tear apart 
all shroud, cover and veil
it had to mortar
my colourful shell 
to bits 
that bore mark of me my and mine
too proud in shallow identity
the one who sits at core
was aching to be revealed.
It has been
long time 
to let it be known
an introduction
was waiting to happen
its wanted to be seen
as one that had endured
myself through
haps and mishaps -
this self was present with me
all through and so much more!
It beseeches
and asks of me
to know 
what's my true identity:
who I was
who I am 
and choose
who I want to be.

So I rest 
to listen
as this ‘I’ 
in whispres beguns
to speak
unscathed, unscarred by all
it longs for rhythm 
and dance of life as me
be joyous, revel in sunshine
simply moon at moon of night sky
living beyond 
each and every realm
being happy, laugh, smile and be 
present with every
sight, sound, smell, sense and taste
that's ushered in
as my life 
turns its page.
The roles I lived
lasted a while
for this observer
to go on being with me 
without any holding back
my ‘I’
was always here
not known
or recognised by me;
as it withstood 
the tests of time
to reach, attain its call 
when pre-programmed destiny
called its roll
it never turned back
on me.

It took so long  
for penny to drop
Divine simply had 
to intervene -
when I was enthralled, smug
full of self
on stage where spotlight fellthat was all I could see
so deafened by clap 
and loud applause
it needed more 
for me to pause 
for once to look
do reality check
for real 'me' in me;
the Master therefore
took control
to break me 
out from under cover
of meaningless mirth
loiter and laughter
that I played with 
laze and ease
I was humbled then
brought down to knee
steered to know 
a certain Truth -
all that's in me 
of any worth
or of any matter
is that I am
I continue to be
no matter what befell
I've remained one who
is meant to last
to bear witness thru’ 
a lifetime of work
honour and behold
His lasting presence
in drama that'll unfold
that is all 
that has endured
in love of peace
with joy to share
without condition, non partisan
it wants become Whole
and One with any and all 
by willlingly living itself 
fully out through me,
all that's here 
as truly mine
I recognise, it only
comes from Him
its His alone 
and when His Will's done
to dot of 'i', cross of 't'
'I' that I am 
shall cease to be 
to Him I'll return
having lived
eternity thru' Eternal
indeed that's
the real ‘me’ in me.

Friday, October 25, 2013

How much it takes 
not to give up, to persevere
when odds are 
turned against;
on darkest of life's alley way
when there's access nought
except over and above
a loosely stretched
slippery not so taut tight rope...
Its taken a life time to learn
as for every other soul
who is made to walk
the life's sojourn 
to receive eternal lesson 
that beyond all seen
there's but One
invisible resource and Presence
beyond comprehend
of finite senses
it's This that matters alone
Its has been waiting
to be known
draw each one to bear witness
and see its Light
by end of their time and day!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Wrapped in blue 
of my time tattered shawl
in silent, stillness and solitude
I sit tall
to take stock 
of vestiges that’ve fell off me -
a woman, daughter, sister, mother, lover
stubborn wayward child forever
professional who loves to serve 
changing cloaks, coat and hat
even when 
personal health bugles call
for ailments to take toll
so much that
urn did crack.

All that was me
is bygone now
I stop to look 
then look again
of what remains there to seewhich one of these holds real me?
i whistle and whisper to get its heed
until subtly softly it comes to fore
an ‘I’ was unaware of 
for so long before -
its waiting silently
unscathed, unscarred by all.
aching to dance to a lively tune
Revel in sunshine
look to moon at Moon
ready to laugh
smile with wink
flatter all sense
with sight, sound and smell 
that ushers in with every breath 
refusing to age
or dwell to suffer
with itchy sole
ready to scale
all height and depths

live the life to very full
prepared to battle
take stand for cause
that touches core, moves my heart
it aches to reach 

beyond earthly shackle
and attain more than call
of pre-programmed destiny.

So with whom should I identify? -
The social roles 
that were capped on me
to last a while - then fade with time
Or, this ‘I’
That's been laid back
Waiting to be known
By me alone.
As I pondered
a penny dropped –
So this was why
Divine intervened
to let me be known
through all that enthralled
on stage of life where spotlight fell
exposing mesmerising hues 
of my coloured pot'
lost in applause
that came across
when did I ever once 
pause to see or heed
the ‘I’ 
that remained under cover.

Destiny however 
when it took control
ruthlessly tore all 
illusory role -
all was mortared to its very bit
till it was revealed –
what lay at core alone
was Self that’d endured
battering of sense thru' time;
the silent observer
then got to see and ask
when glare did recede –
who am I?
who am I?
who will be I always be?

Perception bubbled
As ‘I’ at rest
left myself to be steered
with Divine's hand 
in prime control
I regained lost sight and track
brought humbly down to knee
Grace let it be known 
for certain
the Truth spoken, written 
by my very soul 
Yes yes I know I've to make amend
with who I am -
I am that
who is meant to last
beyond all realm
of finite time and space of earth
born with life to bear witness
of eternal, ever lasting truth
of magnificent Presence
that endures for love and peace;
that I am
is a gift to me
it comes from no other, but He
all that's truly true in me
is His and His alone -
this is the 'I' 
thats here to stay and reside 
and then return
when the Supreme will's done
to dot of 'i'
and cross of 't'.

Friday, October 04, 2013

What is liberation?
It's realisation? 
Realisation of what? 
Of Self  
How'll self realisation dawn
With action -
U'll have to do? 
Do what? 
Ask, query 'Who r u?' 
Unveil, remove illusion
Seek hidden core, inner truth
To reveal pearl
In oyster
Be still
Be silent
Be with solitude 
Let miracle then unfold
When light and love
Begin to seep thru shell
That's unpicked
What's revealed 
Is the Divine in You.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Let's be connected
Lets be one
In consciousness 
Of our being
Let's enjoin
To make together
Pristine peaceful White
Coz spectrum of VIBGYOR 
When emerges out 
Of the illusions in prism
It's inevitable
It'll merges to form
Radiance of White Light 
That illuminates to serve
With splendour and love
The  eternal truth:
From Him we've come 
To Him we'll return
Having served Divine intent 
That stitched, sow each Self
onto rich tapestry of life.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I heeded
calling of my heart
and heard
Your name was
being whispered
in still silence.

I sought
for healing of my soul
then felt cool salve
anointed on
with hope alight as flame
I knew transitory bite
was to lessen
human pain.

I looked
for partner among all folk
I found none willing to walk
all along - until in despair
I turned in
and sighted You
on Divine throne
I smiled with a wow
in this company -
who now
would say I am a lone?

Monday, September 16, 2013

A friend questions
at mid-stations of my life
who is a real husband?
I whisper aloud
he is a Man
who cares and cherishes
nourishes cheer
in life with you
without pheras or fire
any statements of I do
he joins joyous dance
to celebrate and desire
all that's alive in you.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Hold on

waves over waves rolled in
toppled me over
while i determinedly
clung to land
holding on to sand
with might
that was to hand...
until coarse grains of mini gravel parted
they edged
and gave me hold
without push or shove
it stood me up from fall -
it was now for me
to claw my way
on to anchor
on uneven shore
that life offered
as transit,
its a temporary ordain
a tranquil rest
from where
another journey
is surely about
to begun.

keep out the chill

I did well
last night to keep out the chill
i hugged
hot water bottle
close to heart
doing so -
I'd bedded
sleep in no time.

Friday, August 23, 2013

अकेलेपन क़ा स्वाद
स्वादिष्ठ है यूँ क़ि
विराजमान हो मन में
अब केवल तुम
जिस के परे न खींच सकें हैं यहाँ
कोई नर या नरेंद्र
वासना या दर्द की लकीरें
असत प्रीत के नाम पर  -
तो सम्भालो मुझे इस पल
की मुझे समतल
धरती की तलाश है
जहाँ भावनाओं के उतार चढाओ
की बाधा रुकावट न बने.

You and I
we came
from the very Same
here and now
in common time and space
to behold and listen
hold hearts and hands
to tango life's dance
you ask
why i turn to you?
i say
coz i believe 
i was turned by Him to you
and I know
as a shepherd
will never mislead
his flock,
a father never misguide
his errant child
never will He lead astray
when having lost the way
we suffer in trial, travail
and seek
that we be shown
our purpose and His cause -
so its been
when neck deep in woe
not knowing who's friend
who's the foe
I was gently swirled around -
Grace chose to show
His face
to behold, reach out,
stay afloat 
then anchor
and remarkably in doing so
The Creator
with ease delivered both
in single masterstroke!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

To try
alone is all that's human -
this ability 
to persevere, press on
through adversity
we pursue
with what was endowed
in promise of nirvana
And so I do
and do again
not to head
for lush of heaven
it's only 
to be one with You.

Thursday, August 08, 2013

ठोकर लगी
तो गिरे
फिर उठे
फिर चले
कुछ यूं कि -
थिरकने लगी ज़िन्दगी!

Monday, July 29, 2013

heart vs mind

Mind beckons 
with thoughts 
and many crafted reasons,
it lures
towards baser identity
whereas the heart -
it calls upon
to rise 
with every single beat
if listened to,
it inspires to attain
Divine eternity.
As winter freeze
thawed this year
through mellow spring 
to give 
way to summer breeze -
I saw three choices present
for my yet un-lived 
years of life.

In answer to
oft asked question
Who am I
- a child of God
- God's reflection
- or, a servant of God?
without a flicker or doubt
not with any hesitation
I bowed in gratitude
to chose
to be a mere instrument
of Grace -
it unfolds life 
to flow with 
the Divine will.

From darkness
leaped at me
Demons of loneliness
Deception and a sadness profound
I then seized upon fear
using as lever
I valiantly peered
at bygone past
and found -
looking lovingly
at my soul's silent ground
You stood beyond, yet near
With light upheld
I could see God
alone His presence
unwaveringly stood
to show 
my faltering self -
the way.

Thank You
- for I've finally
put a full stop
with complete peace
to my fall
in ache and pine
to be in love
and loved too
as I leafed thru' 
Liz Gilbert's journey
to eat pray and love
it was impossible
not to notice
how remarkably wondrous
and gentle was Your way
to let the penny drop
and sink to let me know
the what, why, how
of happenings of my life
and now
that I know You
I know myself better too
its easy to accept -
all that matters
here and now
in ever-expanding Universe
is the only truth and case
there's only this that matters
- affair's just
between You and me.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

wounded soul
seeks no salve
but to rest its being
savour the whole
that seeps off
when awakened
From slumber!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

belief versus certainty

I've converted -
from one who believed
to one who is certain
for belief came with duress 
as I
had to look, hear, try
consider to make sense
then proclaim 
without depth of knowing:
'I believe', 
with certainty however
nature aligns 
self to the invisible force
it knows
without being told
I'm certain 
there's a purpose to being -
its to humbly respond
to Creator's call.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

थक गयी हूँ
पड़ाव ढूंढ़ते ढूंढ़ते
शायद सच है यही
 यहाँ सिर्फ़ सफ़र है
ठिकाना  कही नहीं।

Sunday, July 21, 2013

every moment
consciousness seeks to materialise
with yet more clarity
the way to be whole -
then fears and old beliefs
surface as trappings
of very own ego
to shackle dream
urge not to soar
beyond known realm
of my comfort zone
in name of safe security,
yet heart refuses
to follow and tow line
etched painstakingly
by long gone ancestors..
in plain despair
i peer
thru' glassy darkness
of the night of soul
to read signs
that were left behind
by those who'd dared
to trod
the road not taken -
choice becomes then ever
so clear
i know
rather than stay
in known zone
i've to step out
cross Lakshman's line -
me prefers to
take leap of faith
experience fall through uncertainty.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

This broken tree
its been turned to logs
that I sit upon
to rest, pause awhile
to soak refresh
in sight of green
it tells me
with awareness of pain
that's part of every broken form -
despair not
for within gloom that
dares to penetrate
thru' cracks of rot
in the fallen tree
still speaks of hope
that says to feel
each moment of incompleteness
that lies within
as a raw space
untouched, unfilled
waiting with tender reminder
to be cherished not condemned
its remains yours to say
whatever destiny
brings your way
core strength of purpose
is never to be taken away
by pine and pain of undeserving love
there's still lies within
broken self a further capacity
to serve, to give -
broken logs of my being
are still of worth and able
to offer tranquil and needed rest
I can still be respite
for a while
to another tired, worn out soul.

Its Ramazan

Its Ramazan -
you ask and it'll be given,
my mother whispers
in my lonesome ears
urging to bring some cheer
to my quiet
that seems as gloom
to her gentle, despairing heart.

I return
from reverie
I break to smile:
Mom - I've been given
even more before
when I knew not
what's mine to ask for
He turned the show
in Royal style
for me to perceive experience
of miracle -
I was given chance
this year to see
my very own wayward soul
as one with Whole
when I glimpsed and saw
my own self
reflected thru' another eye
and this blessing came
unasked my way
much before it was Ramazan.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

कितनी आसानी से
तुमने चमत्कृत किया
कर्ण का स्वरुप अनायास
मन में उतार
अल्हड चित से अपरिचित को
सहज कुछ यूं कहलवा दिया -
मैं कर्ण हूँ
पहचान सको तो पा लो
कि ये प्रसाद प्रतीत है
प्रभु के बल से
साँझ ढले आया है
इस से पहले कि
सूर्यप्रकाश विलीन हो
दिल संभालो -
ये पाप कहाँ
ये पावन प्यार
तुम्हारा है.

As quest 
for why, where, what and who
ends - I look for crumbs
and leftovers
on my plate
all that's here is mine
I know
all that's left now 
will stay
it'll be only for You

So once again
I turn a page
Without blindfolds this time 
I look through visible script
to read the scrawl 
of invisible hand
that holds for me
the decree 
of Divine.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

Cry of heart

So much 
You've given me
Above those around
I know
I accept
I thank
Yet appeal for more -
More of content
More patience
More vision
More courage
More endurance
More to give
More of kindness
More of reason
More and some more
Of truth
All along until 
end draws close
With eternal call
I retreat to rest
In slumber
That makes me
Worthy to be
One with Divinity.

Scribbled circa 1995; cravings and calls have stood the test of time - so it seems!
Apne paraye chehron ke samudra mein
Thapedon se simta
Ek ret ka tila
Apne tapte zarron ko liye
Khada hai
Suraj tale
Badi besabri se intezar hai
Us raat ka 
Jo saath layegi sannata, khamoshi
Aur khunak gehre sukoon ki.

Found it in a scrawl - scribbled on a telephone diary circa 1995