Despondency

I want to live
for alive I am not
yes breathe and eat I do
I see, smell, hear and feel too
yet alive for certain, I am not.

Those values that
I'd read about
values that were once applauded
in quarters of home, in schools,
were sung aloud
on the roads
of my happy childhood-
these seem to have left,
leaving bereft
the world that I now form a part of.
These no longer frame
the social array where
love and loyalty were once
some worthsome causes
to be cherished,
to be upheld
for all in the Humanity.
Selflessness then
was not a mere matter of word
it was the way,
the code to govern
a sate common life.

Now I've moved
so much further from then.
I look here and there in vain
for warmth, for emotions
for company
in a jungle of men
who though seem the same
as in the times gone by
are so different
for fellow men
care an iota not -
who pounces,
who is pounced upon
who survives,
and in what vein.
for as long as there is a feast close at hand
each man can unhesitatingly be
a beast, a hound
an unkind fella
to any or all around.
To question 'why' and 'what'
matters in the least
as standards of doubles
commonly abound
casting a curse
on several hapless lives,
lives that are marked
with craving for more
rather than content
to say for once
'no more'.

I too watch, perceive
and yet do not in the least
resist, or protest
I wilfully remain against
all that I once stood for
choosing to whither within
rather than stopping to exist
in my physical material form.
To eat, to breathe,
barely to be me
my primal instincts
to syrvive have won
they've won
in silencing the spiritual soul.
It is for this rason
that I believe
Alive I certainly am not.