Who am I?

Wrapped in blue 

of time tattered shawl

in still, silent solitude

I sit tall

taking stock 

of vestiges that’ve fallen

off me.

I see

daughter, sister, mother, lover

a woman

who stubbornly nurtures 

a wayward child within

a professional loving to serve
changing cloak, coat and hat 

whenever health bugles have called

for ailment to take a toll

or suffering to give a knock -

she’s been there 
in care 
to be.

And now that urn

has shown crack

letting each role leak
slip past

there comes to note

a self 
that quietly sits -

unblinkered, unfazed by light

it looks around to 
find and pick 
of pieces lying around

choosing to ask

who am I?

whats here thats mine
for me?

I seek

with perseverence 
wanting to keep 
whats ‘me’ in me

I grope 
feel raw at shorn edge

I wish to make myself 

one and whole

from all remains 

that're scattered here

so I stop to look 

look again to see;
each fragment 

of my broken form
for sure 

furthers off my extended reach

it recedes like a mirage
fades away

as though it were
merely an illusion.

Subtly softly

truth comes to fore 

to say, hey you

you do not grieve

destiny had to take control

to tear apart 

all shroud, cover and veil

it had to mortar
my colourful shell 

to bits 
that bore mark of me my and mine

too proud in shallow identity

the one who sits at core
was aching to be revealed.

It has been

long time 
to let it be known

an introduction

was waiting to happen

its wanted to be seen
as one that had endured
myself through
haps and mishaps -

this self was present with me
all through and so much more!

It beseeches
and asks of me

to know 
what's my true identity:

who I was

who I am 
and choose

who I want to be.

So I rest 
to listen

as this ‘I’ 

in whispres beguns
to speak

unscathed, unscarred by all

it longs for rhythm 
and dance of life as me

be joyous, revel in sunshine

simply moon at moon of night sky

living beyond 
each and every realm

being happy, laugh, smile and be 

present with every
sight, sound, smell, sense and taste

that's ushered in
as my life 
turns its page.

The roles I lived

lasted a while
for this observer
to go on being with me 
without any holding back

my ‘I’

was always here

not known
or recognised by me;
as it withstood 
the tests of time

to reach, attain its call 

when pre-programmed destiny
called its roll
it never turned back
on me.

It took so long  

for penny to drop

Divine simply had 
to intervene -

when I was enthralled, smug
full of self

on stage where spotlight fellthat was all I could see

so deafened by clap 

and loud applause

it needed more 
for me to pause 

for once to look

do reality check

for real 'me' in me;

the Master therefore

took control

to break me 

out from under cover

of meaningless mirth
loiter and laughter
that I played with 
laze and ease

I was humbled then

brought down to knee

steered to know 
a certain Truth -

all that's in me 
of any worth

or of any matter

is that I am
I continue to be
no matter what befell
I've remained one who
is meant to last

to bear witness thru’ 
a lifetime of work

honour and behold

His lasting presence
in drama that'll unfold

that is all 
that has endured

in love of peace
with joy to share

without condition, non partisan

it wants become Whole

and One with any and all 

by willlingly living itself 

fully out through me,

all that's here 
as truly mine
I recognise, it only

comes from Him

its His alone 
and when His Will's done

to dot of 'i', cross of 't'

'I' that I am 
shall cease to be 

to Him I'll return
having lived
eternity thru' Eternal
indeed that's

the real ‘me’ in me.

How much it takes 

not to give up, to persevere

when odds are 

turned against;

on darkest of life's alley way

when there's access nought

except over and above

a loosely stretched

slippery not so taut tight rope...

Its taken a life time to learn

as for every other soul

who is made to walk

the life's sojourn 

to receive eternal lesson 

that beyond all seen

there's but One
invisible resource and Presence

beyond comprehend
of finite senses

it's This that matters alone

Its has been waiting
to be known

draw each one to bear witness

and see its Light

by end of their time and day!

Wrapped in blue 

of my time tattered shawl

in silent, stillness and solitude

I sit tall

to take stock 

of vestiges that’ve fell off me -

a woman, daughter, sister, mother, lover

stubborn wayward child forever

professional who loves to serve 

changing cloaks, coat and hat

even when 
personal health bugles call

for ailments to take toll

so much that
urn did crack.

All that was me

is bygone now

I stop to look 

then look again

of what remains there to seewhich one of these holds real me?
i whistle and whisper to get its heed

until subtly softly it comes to fore

an ‘I’ was unaware of 
for so long before -

its waiting silently

unscathed, unscarred by all.

aching to dance to a lively tune

Revel in sunshine

look to moon at Moon

ready to laugh

smile with wink
flatter all sense

with sight, sound and smell 

that ushers in with every breath 

refusing to age
or dwell to suffer
with itchy sole
ready to scale
all height and depths
live the life to very full
prepared to battle

take stand for cause

that touches core, moves my heart
it aches to reach 
beyond earthly shackle
and attain more than call

of pre-programmed destiny.

So with whom should I identify? -

The social roles 
that were capped on me

to last a while - then fade with time

Or, this ‘I’

That's been laid back

Waiting to be known

By me alone.

As I pondered

a penny dropped –

So this was why

Divine intervened

to let me be known

through all that enthralled

on stage of life where spotlight fell
exposing mesmerising hues 

of my coloured pot'

lost in applause

that came across

when did I ever once 

pause to see or heed

the ‘I’ 
that remained under cover.

Destiny however 
when it took control

ruthlessly tore all 
illusory role -

all was mortared to its very bit

till it was revealed –

what lay at core alone

was Self that’d endured

battering of sense thru' time;

the silent observer

then got to see and ask

when glare did recede –

who am I?

who am I?

who will be I always be?

Perception bubbled

As ‘I’ at rest
left myself to be steered
with Divine's hand 

in prime control

I regained lost sight and track

brought humbly down to knee

Grace let it be known 

for certain

the Truth spoken, written 
by my very soul 

Yes yes I know I've to make amend
with who I am -

I am that

who is meant to last

beyond all realm
of finite time and space of earth

born with life to bear witness
of eternal, ever lasting truth

of magnificent Presence

that endures for love and peace;

that I am

is a gift to me

it comes from no other, but He

all that's truly true in me

is His and His alone -

this is the 'I' 

thats here to stay and reside 
and then return

when the Supreme will's done

to dot of 'i'

and cross of 't'.

What is liberation?

It's realisation? 

Realisation of what? 

Of Self  

How'll self realisation dawn

With action -

U'll have to do? 

Do what? 

Ask, query 'Who r u?' 

Unveil, remove illusion

Seek hidden core, inner truth

To reveal pearl

In oyster

Be still

Be silent

Be with solitude 

Let miracle then unfold

When light and love

Begin to seep thru shell

That's unpicked

What's revealed 

Is the Divine in You.

Let's be connected

Lets be one

In consciousness 

Of our being

Let's enjoin

To make together

Pristine peaceful White

Coz spectrum of VIBGYOR 

When emerges out 

Of the illusions in prism

It's inevitable

It'll merges to form

Radiance of White Light 

That illuminates to serve

With splendour and love

The  eternal truth:

From Him we've come 

To Him we'll return

Having served Divine intent 

That stitched, sow each Self

onto rich tapestry of life.