Travelogue

 

Oh how I've travelled

no - rather wandered

in quest of home 

a family 

that's not in shame

is happy to call me own

hoping I'll be strong 

once I belong

in love to love.

So quickening my step 

I tread  

uphill and downhill 

wading through 

sea-storm and sand-storm

at times quicksand

held my feet

quashing all hope

of rising from fall.

I risked my name 

time umpteen and more 

tagged prodigal amore 

lashed with integral shame

yet despite earning the claim

in yearn and pain

I tarried with sojourn

for mate of soul;

I've walked over 

plain and thorn

through mist and fog

with fatigue to bog

I've endured, until

your fragrance incensed

to pursue trail

with a quick glance in mirror 

to catch a glimpse 

of what it showed

of what was left in store

of Self.

Lo and behold 

with sinking spirit

I notice

crinkling crowfeet 

sag at corner of eye

grey on head 

lines on face

whiteness of gaze

soreness of feet

buckle in knee-

all speak clear

I haven't much to offer.

Yet heart beckons

resolute in resolve 

to find my home

with fired spirit, 

saying you're near 

I'm nearly there

don't stop

don't give up.

So, though bereft 

I hasten my pace

with urge to wipe 

my tear and snuffle

hide my face 

burrowed deep in chest

to find finat rest 

in your arm I'll snuggle 

to be at home...

It's then that I hear 

past life's call

nadi reader pronounces

announcing grasp of maya 

it lures heart toward pleasure 

in worldly abode;

he warns to matter what

regardless of effort

it's not meant to be.

Hold on says Guru

hearken don't pursue 

there's no time to falter 

greater good suffer 

in this duel 

of sanity with senses 

wisdom it is

to choose good 

over pleasure

that's transient 

as for you

it's been written ahead 

you're destined

to don sanyasa.

I accept 

the call without

further ado 🙏🏼

 Dhup se udhari laga rahe hain

Agle baras lautayenge 

• from Rashmi Ma'am's garden

कोई मेल नहीं ना?

जहां असंख्य प्यार करने वाले 

पड़े तुम्हारी झोली में 

मेरे आँचल में नफ़रत, अवहेलना 

तिरस्कार अपमान के ढेरों समान पड़े हैं 

Hero se Zero ka 

कोई मेल hai hi नहीं। 

 It's morning

And I've to hold 

On to yearnings 

That make me snuggle

In memory

Of eyes that melt

Smell and feel 

Of stubble 

That secures 

Presence 

That increasingly 

Means more and more...

I am at sea

With varying emotions

A ship has lost sight

Of lighthouse signal.

I love the feeling of dependence. It makes me feel looked after... should I daresay loved??🥰 

 In your zest

To keep me 

Non dependent 

Ahem...

Yeah a lass independent 

And my determination

To snuggle deep

Laying my head to rest

I'm lost,

It all gets undone 

Wonder to whom 

Does this doing belong?

You or I 

Or Niyati??

I am at sea

 I am in Delhi to attend wedding celebrations of Shashank's daughter's wedding. Was so tired last night ... every pore seemed to ache calling for pause... a rest. Woke up this morning with sound of laughter echoing in my consciousness- the spontaneous laughter that reverberated in my ears over the phone, playing on chords of my heart last night. I had expressed my gratitude to Providence for keeping a soulmate securely non-attached. It mattered to me... in a silly way. Deriving from books of wisdom -  it was a sign for me. And I am grateful.

I didn't mind being mocked. 

It's morning

And I've to hold 

On to yearnings 

That make me snuggle

In memory

Of eyes that melt

Smell and feel 

Of stubble 

That secures 

Presence 

That increasingly 

Means more and more...

I am at sea

With varying emotions

A sturdy ship has lost 

sight of lighthouse signal.

It's difficult..:

 Two days of living in a cocoon of love and restrain my impulsive self ... it was tough. Kept myself buried in Divakaruni's book - narrative of Sita of how she endured. So I endured. 

It's difficult

Being woman 

It hurts

In love.

Do you know 

How difficult it is 

To be woman

And preserve sanctity 

Of femininity,

To love yet withold 

Wait patiently 

To be pulled in circle 

Of protective arms 

To taste love 

In slow sips 

From lips 

That lure 

Lute to play 

In pining heart,

Or else forego

The dance of life 

With show of 

Impassivity?

I'll be patient 

with love.

It was a one night stand at Pash's place; watching him conduct himself in roles of son, friend, employer, neighbour, yogi, human being;

 इक हिंदू था

मिला ज़िंदगी के आख़िरी पक्ष की 

सड़कों पर

कुछ इस तरह मिला

श्रद्धा, भक्ति, ख़ुद के किरदार से

हमें बेहतर मुसलमाँ कर गया !

Udasi

 There is pain, there is sadness. Don't know which is more: it doesn't matter. I shall overcome is the song to hum for now. 

आज उदासी है 

अंदर बाहर पसरी खामोशी के दरमियाँ

ख़ाली मन की चित्कार

बड़ी कुशलता से छुप चली है 

अपनी अंदर समेटें रुदन को 

कि बाहर आने की

व्यक्त होने की

अब वजह नहीं 

मनचाहे श्रोता सो चुके है 

ओढ़े नींद की गहरी चादर 

जो बेशक़ीमत है 

और मेरी बात, जज़्बात ओछे, सस्ते 

सो मैं आँचल में ख़्वाब सँभाले

गिन रही हूँ पल

जो तक़दीर ने किए हवाले !

an 

Na jagah na wajah bachi

 When person you ache for is in dilemma infused confusion, all one can do is to put a stop to fuel that fire the flames 

Cyber -

don't ping 

with messages 

that bring 

promise of love

for my heart ails of

petrification

of another rejection

it has accepted 

love isn't her

song to sing!

 What does one do when the one whose shoulder and chest you look to rest you hurting head against, reports being damp and down? 

I decided to endure the scorch of life all alone.

तुम्हारी चुप थी 

तो लबों ने सोचा 

खामोशी का मैं भी 

बंद लगा लूँ,

तुम्हारा गीला जो सोखना है

अकेलेपन की धूप में 

अपने ख़ुद को

ख़ुद ही तपा लूँ ♥️

 Once again leashed back! I'll hold prisoner for rest of my life without clarity in my view - what's wrong and what's right in Your Dominion. Until then I will hide in smog of my words and feelings. Just listen ....

Lips yearn

for sips of you 

please pour

unto my urn 

for me -

spring of life 

springs from you.